i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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