i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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