This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
