i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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