Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
