my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
