I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
