My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
