Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like a drive thru vagina
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
