Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize