is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize