sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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