So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
