She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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