you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
