dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
