ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
