Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
