I wish my penis had an off switch
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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