i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
