Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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