i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
