I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
tell me about the eggs
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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