Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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