Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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