the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
