what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
