I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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