No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
