he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
