Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
