if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
