The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize