Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
