so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
