did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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