OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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