Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize