i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
