id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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