He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
