I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
