Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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