i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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