i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
