I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
