I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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