He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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