Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
