i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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