I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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