I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
