She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize