The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
