My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
