the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
