So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
