She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
