I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize