Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
