there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
