I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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