Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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