You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
