Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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