I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
