Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You don't make any sense
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