Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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