Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
