so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
