Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
